Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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