just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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