The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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