Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
