its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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