my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
