A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
