when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize