Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
