Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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