I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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