that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
