i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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