I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
