Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
