im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
