Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(765): View more from Indiana

just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.

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(254): View more from Texas

You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"

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(513): View more from Ohio

just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.

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(418): View more from Quebec

I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.

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(714): View more from California

I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream

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(618): View more from Illinois

Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!

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(256): View more from Alabama

the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm

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