You just made me feel so damn special
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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