i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
