If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
