Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dignity is for republicans.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
