my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All the doctor said was why
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
