Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
