I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
