my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
