I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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