my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
