the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Watching her eat just hurts me
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
