Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize