My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
