I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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