Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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