Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
