Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
