Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
