I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A+ Viking dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
