I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
