I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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