do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
