Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
