Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
