I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
