I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
