I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
