thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
