i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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