I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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