So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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