I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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