Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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